I wish to walk where there are no paths – only directions. I choose a real life – a full life, one of value and diversity. If I am to accomplish anything I can not be a lone dissenting voice in the wilderness – there is too much at stake. If only the 21st century came with a guidebook on living a good life! This year of pitfalls and pain has left me with the knowledge that I cannot rely on my heart alone. I must let my mind have equal reign. I may feel hurt and disappointed but I am not beaten, only more determined, like Maya Angelou’s defiant “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” I will not be reduced and refuse to believe that even in such times an honest heart counts less than a love of dollar signs.
There is a reason I possess gifts that I have not allowed to flourish because I feel duty bound to help others and art seems self-indulgent at best. But words have power and can lead us to action – my continued presence here on the planet is proof of that – I am here but for the grace of language, my lifeline of life, a way of seeking points of connection in the chaos.
A new adventure awaits discovery and it will be one of stepping yet again into the unknown, trusting in my heart’s buoyancy to keep me afloat and my head to keep me in line. I am sure there must be some charm to keep a witch like me from sinking – I think it is called hope.
my notebook December 18, 2007 Freeman Farm, Sointula BC, 25 yrs old
Don’t stop asking how to be a good person and you’ll likely be fine, since most of the goodness lies in asking the answers are not that important, what matters most is how we live the question. Of course we are going to get lost, mired in darkness and doubt, what can we do but start where we are, root ourselves in what is, stick together, and push up in the direction of the light?
also referenced with a personal story on 4/15/15
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