How to stand up to mean girls (the ‘self’ edition)

girls are mean (sometimes) print by corid

Image credit: Girls are mean (sometimes) print by CoriD

Mean girls.

You know the ones I’m talking about, right?
The girls who made fun of your favorite shoes in 6th grade, and mocked your attempt at the coveted waterfall bang? Snickered in gym class ‘Gawd, she’s awful’ or put down your ‘weird’ clothes? The same girls who gawked at your supposed uncoolness and belittled your every attempt to just be your perfect self?
Yeah. Those are the girls I’m talking about.

At some point or another you were able to tune them out or put them in their place. You grew past them and into a space where you found other little bees to romp with.
But every once in a while, a mean girl shows up—and hot damn is she hard to shake. She’s harsh, cold, and downright nasty. She’s a menace to your psyche and a destroyer of your worth. She pushes trash over truth.
She’s you.

Can I tell you a story?
Three months ago I sat down and made a list of blogs I wanted to guest post for. These were blogs of creative women I admired and who inspired me to keep moving forward in my business every day. Oh My! Handmade was on that list for sure. As I started thinking of ideas and crafting a little note for Jessika, a certain mean girl I’m rather acquainted with whispered in my ear:
“Seriously, Tiffany? She’s major. Who do you think you are? You can’t do this.”

And despite what I know about myself (heck yeah, I’m an awesome writer!) and Jessika (nurturing mama of the creative universe) I believed the trash in my head over the truth and stopped. Then one day Jessika retweeted one of my blog posts and asked me to submit to Oh My!

It’s easy to get distracted by the ‘am I good enough?’, ‘what if nobody likes what I’ve got,’ or ‘I can’t do this’ in your head. But when you stop listening to your inner mean girl, you allow wonderful and exciting things to happen in your life and business.

Here are 3 ways to pull your inner mean girl’s hair when she pulls yours. (You’ll pull a lot harder and it will shut her right up.)

1. List 30 things you love about yourself—a list of 30 might seem like a lot, but it’s a long list for a reason. It can be hard to come up with so many things in one sitting, so you’re forced to think on it for a while. It’s hard to be negative when your task for the day is thinking about all the ways you’re fantastic.

2. (self) Love notes— Leave them for yourself. Stick them to the fridge, in your wallet, on your computer—any place you look at often. My favorite place? The bathroom mirror. That way, a sweet note about how awesome I am tells me goodnight as I’m brushing my teeth, and greets me in the morning.

3. Encourage someone else—The best way to be encouraged is to encourage. I can’t tell you how much a simple retweet of one of my posts or a comment makes my day, and I know it does the same for others. When you become your worst mean girl, share some love to a brand new entrepreneur on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment on their blog. Share love wherever you can, and watch it come right back to you.

How do you deal with your inner mean girl?

Meet Tiffany!

Tiffany Clarke Harrison is a copywriter for women entrepreneurs turning their creative hobbies into creative businesses.  She is an entrepreneur, husband & toddler wrangler, and author of the book Read All Over: the Creative Girl’s Guide to Writing for her Business Website.  You can say hello at, @blah_cubed on twitter, or facebook.


    • Jessika says:

      @Chelsea-I hope you do write your 30 things as a blog post & share with us, would LOVE that!
      @Mervi-that mean girl is up to no good & its true that she always knows exactly what to say to make us hurt. I’ve found that like most bullies she hides in darkness & loneliness, when we shine our lights in her face or bring in reinforcements who love us, she either gives up the fight or starts being nicer. Good luck & much love with vanquishing that inner meanness.

  1. That inner mean girl is the worst: She knows me the best. Better than anyone. And she knows my weaknesses, she knows what I’m afraid of… She knows too much.

    I’m constantly working on silencing her. Or learning to stand up to her. Some days it’s easier, some days I crumble.

    Usually I tell her I don’t care what she thinks. I know I’m good. It makes her go away for a while.

  2. Tiffany says:

    @chelsea 30 things you love about yourself *is* an awesome post idea–one I might borrow, if you don’t mind! 🙂

    @mervi- you’re right, our inner mean girl knows everything about us which makes her infinitely worse than any other mean girl. the days i crumble to her are the worst. thankfully, another day comes where i can choose to ignore her instead.

  3. Kerry says:

    Wow Tiffany! Thank you for your insight and candor! What a neat perspective about the mean girl in our adult lives being us. I try to take note of past successes, even small ones, to remind myself that I am doing a great job and to continue with new endeavors. I think I will do the 30 things post too!

  4. Well written Tiffany! Love it. I keep a chalk board in a painted frame (several actually) in my studio and write myself notes of kindness and encouragement. “Come on, Colleen…almost there. Just a little bit more…”.

    Works like a charm….

    Keep it up Tiffany…….

  5. Lori-Ann says:

    Tiffany–you are a genius. Thank you for all of this! I have just now started my “thirty things,” and it is just what I needed to be reminded to do. It might take a while, but I’m on it. Thank you! (And thanks for saying “yes!” to Jessika!)

  6. Tiffany says:

    Thank you ladies so much for reading!

    @colleen attara- I have a mirror I converted to a chalkboard in the kitchen. Will definitely start adding my ‘you are awesome’s’ there!

    @lori-ann- so glad the post was a boost in a positive direction for you. 30 things can def. take a while, but it’s so worth it

    @jen moffat-hallam- Your prices? Raise ’em. Do it, do it, do it! 🙂

  7. Geri says:

    Such a great post, Tiffany… you are such a funny (and mucho talented) writer!

    I’m definitely going to do my 30 nice things as a blog post… I’ll be sure to link it up 😉 I also love your idea of notes on the chalkboard(s), Colleen – a great DIY project on the horizon, methinks!

  8. Renae says:

    I probably shouldn’t mention this to the whole world but I actually do write myself love notes.

    I’ll e-mail myself a reminder note and wills sign it “Luv ya! Renae.” It’s silly but I always smile when I read it after the reminder the following day.

  9. Tiffany! I’m so proud of you and not surprised at all that you have a post on OMHG! You are seriously my “word hero!” You go girl!

    And your post really hit home. I’ve been feeling pretty insecure lately about my work, so I really need to start following your advice. I love it!

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