I’m going to be honest – this has been a tough month for me, full of heavy thoughts, unlike my usual terminally cheerful self. Maybe it is our handmade heritage month making me nostalgic or the leaves already starting to change colour on the trees. The summer is almost over and fall always makes me think of endings. Jennifer Perillo‘s loss of her husband also made me think of how quickly things can change-an instant transforming everything. I’ve got riots in London and children in Somalia roaming around in my heart, and an anniversary of one of my own major losses on my mind.
There has also been this constant feeling of failing at something. If I am amazing at my business I am not present as a parent, if I focus on parenting I fall behind on my business. Some months that juggling act is harder then others. I had a big wake up call this month too. On the first week of August I woke up early, after having spent a full day at the beach with the girls the day before, to the phone ringing. I thought it was a friend calling about a play date but when I went to go check on my oldest daughter Ila she wasn’t in her room. I listened to the message on the phone and my heart leaped into my throat.
My incredibly trusting six year old had packed a little bag and snuck out of the house while we were sleeping, walked out the front door, up the road and crossed our street to visit a friend to arrange her own playdate. It was a shock in more ways then one – I had not been being present as a parent, but worse, I was making Ila felt unwanted.
A heavy heavy load of guilt came and dumped itself on me.
I had to make some hard choices, keep building the momentum I have been creating for Oh My! or give myself permission to take the rest of the summer to focus on the girls, to wring every last bit of fun out of the sunny days left to us? A hard choice but a simple decision. My kids need me, bottom line. But as the emails and to-dos built up, the balls dropped, the projects postponed, I was feeling an equally heavy load of guilt. After talking with a friend about it she mentioned giving herself permission to feel a certain way. That word really stuck with me, it was exactly what I needed, to give myself permission to stop feeling guilty. I give myself permission to slack off until September and then to take Sundays off from now on. I give myself permission to be okay with where I am right now. So I wrote my own permission slip and thought you might want one too, click the banners below to download your own.
Let’s give ourselves permission to take the time, space, help, whatever it is that we feel in need of without guilt or shame. We are only human and deserve to be kind to ourselves.
What are you going to give yourself permission to do today?
